I'm awake early this morning, by an hour. Additionally, I felt untired last evening, sitting up longer than usual before going horizontal. At such times, I hesitate getting out of bed because I think I may need my "beauty sleep." I know myself, when getting up earlier than usual, my body about mid-day desires to grab a nap. Maybe not today. I feel extra alert. 

What was startling  was a crow dying in my dream that woke me up. I saw its head limping over, on its last breath of life; so, I examined it and found it was dying from smoking. Interesting, right? When I asked my conscience in quiet, I imagined my last smoking spirit, the one that had been hanging around me even years since I stopped smoking, finally left.

Anyway, this morning, I'm in the drab zone. Going slow. Taking care of my body. Staying healthy.

The world of the pen has yet to sprout through the soil of the night, the first written word of my day. I arise to write. My words are not my own. My words seek clarity in life, seek hope for the future, seek joy for my children.

Yesterday, I was punishing myself in my thoughts for my failures in raising my own children. I see other children with a strong fortune of love and wanted that for my children. It almost makes me cry, but then, if I did, those would be selfish tears. I do not want to add more lament. I'm being responsible. I will guide them from now as best I can. Yet, the golden opportunity, when they were young and in our home nest, does not remain. Nevertheless, Heavenly Parent is their direct parent. 

The nest. I can see the analogy. Omma and I have been empty-nesters for several years now, about five or ten, depending upon when our first grandchild lived with us.

Now, my own dream is before me: to write. I am a writer. Not all writing gets revealed. Not all writing deserves publication. A few RTs (Renaissance Times), like this morning's, should be kept from other's eyes. I'm embarrassed it's rambling. I am uncertain. And I have nothing in particular to say. RTs originally were not written for public consumption. Today, they still are my personal musings for the most part.

It's me carving out my dreams from the emptiness of thoughts unspoken. RT is me traveling through the morning, or whatever time of day it may be, when I sit down to fill up my empty suitcase, the duffel bag of the hour.

I'm not energetic yet. I am careful. I have washed and showered. I'm quietly assessing next steps: the people I love, the places I'm going, the hopes I plant, and the possible decisions I make. One of them is looking at property in Seorok-myeun, Gap-young, South Korea. It's attractive. I have long dreamed of having a property here. It's possible. The reality shall be one further step in how God is leading me.

The day begins with the crow dying.


7:43 AM, Friday, October 30, 2026